Women’s Rights in Islamic Marriage?





[external link] …This is from a nonbiased website. Good luck!Despite the predominant idea in the Western countries that Muslim women do not, or hardly, have basic human rights, in practice, but especially on theological basis, Muslim women actually do have more rights than their Western counterparts. To address all aspects of women's rights in Islam requires more space than a single essay; therefore I discuss only a part of the range of rights.More intensely than many other societies, Muslim communities tend to divide the world into private (women's) and public (men's) spheres (Hassan), the public-private dichotomy, "which was never part of the Qur'anic world view but entirely cultural" argues Abou-Bakr (1999). This does not mean that one should adhere to the idea of cultural relativism to justify infringements on human rights in the 'Islamic culture' (Mayer, 1995: 8-9), but that there are general human rights that can be devised, being it universal '



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9 Responses to “Women’s Rights in Islamic Marriage?”

  1. passaging says:

    Easy, marry a Western cultured guy.

  2. donjon says:

    MARITAL RELATIONS AND MUTUAL RIGHTS IN ISLAM”Believers, men and women, are protectors of one another They enjoin what is just and forbid what is evil. They observe regular prayer and practice regular charity, obey God and His messenger, and on them God will pour His mercy, for God is exalted in power and right. God has promised to believers, men and women, gardens under which we were supposed to dwell therein, beautiful mansions and garden of everlasting bliss, for the greatest bliss is the pleasure of God, that is the supreme” (9:7 1). We are told in the Quran that, “Men and women believers are protectors of each other.” We are also told in the Quran that our spouses have been created for us for our own benefit so that we enjoy tranquility. It is said in the Quran, “All you believe, observe your duty to your Lord who created you from a single being and created its mate of the same kind and expectfrom this too many men and women and keep your duty to God by whom you demand of one another’s right and the ties of relationship surely God is every watching over you” (4: 1). And we are also told, “And one of His signs that He created for you, your mate from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts verily in that are the signs for those who reflect” (30:2 1). Prophet Muhammad (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) has told us how we should treat our spouse, It was an important part of his last sermon and he states, “Oh, you people, your wives have a certain right over you and you have certain rights over them. Treat them well and be kind to them for they are your committed partners and helpers.” Whatever he said was an inspiration from God. Whatever he said, we can confirm the authenticity of that by going back to the Quran and see what the Quran says on this subject. It says, “Provide for them, the rich according to his income and the poor according to his means, the provision according to the custom, this is an obligation for those who act kindly” (2:236). So providing for them according to your means is an obligation. And Allah also says, “Treat them politely for even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something which God has placed much good” (4:19). So there may be some reasons why you may not like your spouse for any physical or other reasons, but we are told still to like them because Allah has chosen them for us. Prophet Muhammad (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) has expressed some of the rights of wives on their husbands or the instructions to husbands for their wives. In Mishkat, it is reported the best and the most perfect of the believers is the one who is superior in his moral behavior and kind and courteous to his wife. In another place, he has said, “Feed her when you feed yourself, clad her when you provide yourself with cloth, neither hit her on the face nor use impolite language” (see Tirmidhi). In Abu Dawud, he is reported to have said, “When a man wakes up his wife and both of them perform two cycles of prescribed prayer together, the name of the husband is recorded among those who remember Allah and the name of the wife is recorded among those who remember.” But he was fair and he has also outlined the duties and responsibilities of the wife towards her husband. I will just mention three of them here from his collection of Traditions. In this part of Tirmidhi, it is reported that he said, “A woman who prays five times a day, fasts during the month of Ramadan, protects her modesty and is obedient to her husband may enter heaven through any door she likes.” Not only can she enter heaven, but she can choose from the different doors. In another Tradition, it is mentioned, “The best woman is the one who greets her husband with joy when he looks at her and when he asks something lawful, she obeys and never adopts any attitude in connection with her own self and good which is disliked by him.” In another Tradition, it is reported,”On the Day of Judgment, Allah will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband.” There have been many, many women in Islam who were great leaders, prophet’s wives, Khadija and Ayisha and many others such as the Prophet’s daughter, Fatima. There have been many known scholars who have been women. Imam Malik’s teacher, Ayisha, daughter of Sa’d ibn Waqqas, Imam Shafi’i”s teacher was Saiyida Nafisa, granddaughter of Imam Hasan, Rabia Basri, another scholar of Islam, was such a great scholar that men scholars used to come and study with her. Women can achieve their rights if they are given the opportunity to do so. They need to know that they do not only have to stay in the house and cook and take care of the children.In my opinion, Allah has also been kinder to women. First of all, they are equal to men in all acts of piety. The Quran assures this (see 33:35). For example, when men miss their prescribed prayers, they are religiously obligated to make up for them. However, when women miss their prescribed prayers because of menstrution, they are not required to make them up. Men must provide for their wives, whether their wives work outside the home or not. If women earn income, it belongs to them alone and they can spend it on themselves if they want. They do not have to provide to their husband from that income. Now let’s look briefly at women’s rights according to modern society. The women’s liberation movement, in my opinion, is distorted. In this movement, women have rights, as I described, to do the right thing, but they also have the right to compete in wrongdoings. Not wearing the modest dress is not a question of women’s rights, having an abortion is not a question of a women’s rights. Cancer of the lungs was the 10th leading cause of death in women fifty years ago when they were not competing with men in smoking; Now it is the second leading cause of death in them, thanks to their “liberation.” Allah says in the Quran: “Oh, humanity, it is you who is needy of Allah, and it is Allah who is above all needs” (35:15). So the question of rights should be taken in the sense of who is the giver of rights, to whom are we responsible for having given us these rights. It is Allah Who had given us these rights. We must accept our responsibilities when we talk about our rights. The relationship between husband and wife has been summarized in one beautiful sentence in Quran which should be the guiding light, “They are your garments and you are their garments” (2:187). Only He knows why He used the word “garment.” We can only guess. A garment is close to our body. So husband and wife should remain close to each other. A garment protects our body from outside influences; thus husband and wife should protect each other from outside temptation. A garment is to beautify our appearance so they should complement each other and not belittle each other. A garment is always available to our body, so should they be to each other. The following verse is frequently quoted by men, but is misunderstood very much. “Men are protector of women because Allah has made them excel over the other, and because they spend their property on women, so good women are obedient (to their husband) and guard their modesty. As for whom you fear rebellion, admonish them, and then banish them from your bed (i.e., do not sleep with them), or beat them (lightly). If they obey you, then seek not a way against them, Allah is ever High and Exalted” (4:34) Wife abuse is a major social crime in American society. Close to 4 million women are physically abused every year by their husbands, ex- husbands, or boyfriends to the extent of seeking medical attention in emergency rooms according to a 1991 Senate report. Many such abuses are not reported by women for the fear of divorce or further abuse. About three women die every year from such abuse. Abuse is not only physical but also sometime sexual (rape), emotional, or financial. Unless Muslims guard themselves to prevent such social crimes, they will become (and are becoming) a part of our own society, just as divorce has become. Muslim women are much less likely to report abuse and to whom wil
    l they report? to the male Imam? Do we have a social support agency or should they call non-Muslim law enforcement agencies and have their bread earners imprisoned? The mention of “beat them lightly” in the Quran is not for all women, but only those women who are rebellious (disloyal) and in stages 1) first you warn them; 2) you separate your bed from them; 3) beat them lightly (with a traditional “toothbrush” or folded handkerchief) before the final stage; 4) divorce, one of the most hated permissions. The Prophet himself did not beat any of his wives and told Muslims, “Do not beat Allah’s hand maidens,” and “How could they beat their women in daytime as slaves and then sleep with them in the night?” Talking about women’s status in Islam is easy. To give them their due rights in practice is difficult. The process can begin by giving them1) equal say in the decision-making process in the home whether it is weaning of infant or education of growing children or financial matters;2) full opportunity to learn Islam as well as “secular” education so that they can help their children learn since the first school is at home;3) acquire skills to help the Muslim community whether in education, nursing, or professions in the less male contact areas; and4) involve them in the operation and decision-making process in Muslim organizations and even in Mosques.It is unfortunate and contrary to the teachings of Prophet Muhammad (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) that Muslim women are not encouraged to pray in mosques in Muslim countries. My advice to married couples for a happy marriage is no different than the advise given to them by many counselors. 1. I suggest that both of them be conscious of their personal appearance and try to remain attractive to each other. It is not uncommon that women dress and put on make-up when they go out, but don’t do the same when they are inside to please their husbands. Similarly, when men want their wives to be very attractive-looking, they should also look at their own appearance and especially their physical appearance so that they will be pleasing to their wives. Both of them live in a society in which there are too many temptations outside the home and, therefore, they should not give any chance to others to succumb to such temptations. 2. I suggest both of them be companions to each other rather than the role of the boss and the one who is being bossed or upper-hand or lower- hand. If the two wheels of a vehicle are of the same diameter, same air pressure, then the car will go in a straight line, otherwise it will not. So, I suggest they be each other’s friend more than being their bed partner. 3. When they do commit mistakes or injustice to each other, they should admit it and be forgiven. They should be gentle in criticism and generous in appreciation. They should never bring up their past because it is like undoing the dressing and starting the wound fresh. 4. They should mind their language. Sometimes we say things which we don’t mean but it hurts other people. As the poet says, “The wounds of blade may heal one day, but the wounds of tongue never heal.” So before we says something, we should think how these words will affect the other person or if we are the recipient of those words, how we would feel. 5. They should have a sense of humor. One woman describes her husband in this way, that many men had proposed to me and they liked me, but I chose him as my mate for the rest of my life because he makes me laugh all the time. Life is too short to be too serious. If we have a smile for each other when we greet each other and. a word of kindness and of compassion, it has a lasting effect. 6. Both of them should share household duties together. It is not fair that women are used as a cook and as a maid and as a babysitter while men enjoy all outdoor and outside of the home social activities. The Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam), always helped his wife in household work and he was an example for us. 7. They should find occasions to give each other a gift or flowers or candy, whatever a small thing that may be. This is not a western concept. In fact, the Prophet has stressed that we should give gifts to each other because “giving gifts” increases mutual love. 8. Wives should recognize the economic means of their husbands and should not put any demand on him that he cannot bear. If they do, he will either refuse or find wrong means to earn extra income to meet her demands and both of which will have wrong results. 9. They should be equally involved in community work and efforts. It is not appropriate that mothers have to bring children for madrassa while fathers stay home to watch football games. If learning Islam is good for children, it is good for mothers and it is also good for fathers. 10. In matters of sex, both of them should be available to each other without putting an extra burden on either one. Thus, the Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam), was a very modern man. He encouraged foreplay. In a Tradition, he has said, “It is not appropriate that you fall upon your wives like a beast but you must send a message of love beforehand.” Men and women both have physiological desires. Each should respect the likes and dislikes of each other. We should respect each others privacy because each of us needs some time, moments of privacy, to be alone with our body or with our mind. 11. Finally, they should have meals together and the occasions for meals should be happy occasions for the whole family and not a time for arguments. If they are going to argue, they should do so later on and not in front of their children but separately. Each argument should end with some expression of love. It is recommended that they should never go to bed mad at each other. If we respect each other the same way we like to be respected, it will increase our trust and love and hopefully, we will realize that Allah, who has promised to put love in our heart, has done it. THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE Nature has so arranged that man and woman are attracted to each other. This natural attraction brings them together and they lead a common life and form a family. This natural tendency, the instinct of sex, should be guided to the right direction so that it may be utilized in the service of humanity. Though the common life of a husband and wife originates from the sexual instinct, it gradually develops into a steep, spiritual, sentimental, social and economic relationship. That is what Islam calls matrimony.Islam has attached great importance to the question of marriage in its social system. In the Holy Qur’an and the sayings of the Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) we find that marriage has been greatly encouraged. Prophet Muhammad (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) said: ‘No institution of Islam is liked by Allah more than that of marriage’.The basic objectives of marriage in Islam are, first, securing a comfortable atmosphere for a husband and wife and, second, producing a new generation of healthy, faithful and virtuous children. With regard to the first objective, the Holy Qur’an says: “One of His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own species, so that you might find comfort with them. And He put mutual love and affection in your hearts. Surely in this there are lessons for the thinking people” (30:21)A Muslim husband and wife who follow the teachings of the Holy Qur’an should always be a source of comfort for each other. Their relationship should reach far above that of mere sexual enjoyment and should reach the stage of cordial friendship accompanied by mutual benevolence.With regard to the second objective, the Holy Qur’an says: “He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth. He has given you partners from among yourselves and, similarly, made the cattle also males and females. That is how he multiplies you. Nothing can be compared to Him, He is the All-hearing, the All-seeing.” (43:11)The second criterion is morality. The Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) said. “As soon as a suitor, who is religious and who has manners that satisfy you comes to you asking for a matrimonial alliance, take action to join in marriage with him. I
    f you do not do so, you will have deviated from the right path and may be faced with a great crisis.The third criterion is financial competence. A Muslim man must provide means of living to his wife and children, even if the wife is wealthy or earn a salary. The fourth criterion is compatibility and similarity in the ideas and goals of the husband and wife.Muslim men and women who walk upon the straight path of Allah, implementing Divine law and justice, recognize marriage to be one of the Divine laws. Once this Divine union is established, the Muslim community begins to form. A satisfactory and happy married life can be achieved if the partners realize the concept of human marriage. They must be benevolent friends and faithful associates, deem it necessary to cooperate with each other in every respect, refrain from every kind of arrogance and haughtiness in their mutual dealings and finally, and most important, respect their reciprocate rights and try to please each other by obeying Allah in every aspect of their relationship.The Holy Qur’an says: “And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from your own species that you may find comfort in them and He put between you and them love and compassion. Most surely there are signs in this for people who reflect” (30:21). From this verse, it can be seen that a couple can attain inner peace and calmness through the love that Allah has put in their hearts. But this love is different from the concept of love in the non-Muslim world, especially in Western culture. This love between a man and a woman includes a very important factor, the love of Allah and the love to serve Him. This is the love that remains through difficult times. It gives each spouse strength and encouragement and the will to sacrifice, not only to please the spouse or children, but mainly to please Allah, Who will take account of every action done in His way.The human being is, however, weak by nature, so things may not always work out well and in favor of the well-being of each member of the family. Although divorce is very much disliked by Allah, it is still permitted in Islam at times, when there is absolutely no other alternative or a family’s productivity and participation in the Islamic community is hindered by couple’s unwillingness to be together.Islam teaches the human-being to be responsible in all his decisions and actions. The Holy Qur’an and the saying of Prophet Muhammad (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) continuously remind Muslims of their duties and obligation to one another. The application of these teachings begins in the home, among members of the family. This is why the institution of marriage is so highly regarded in Islam. The Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) said: “When a person marries, he has completed half of his religious obligations.”Mutual Rights of Husband and WifeThe significance of marriage and the aims and advantages that are associated with it are self-evident. Peace of mind and a happy life are greatly dependent on the mutual relationship that develops between husband and wife.The main objects of marriage are that both parties enjoy the pleasures of life with purity, (which can only be possible through wedlock) and that the continuity of the human race be, and is, maintained with dignity. These objects can be realized best when the relations between husband and wife are good and there is love, sympathy and good understanding between them.The main purpose of the Prophet’s teachings, regarding the rights and duties of marriage, is that the marriage proves to be a source of joy and satisfaction to both husband and wife, that their hearts remain united and that the aims of the marriage be attained in the best possible manner. According to the Prophet’s teachings, the wife should regard her husband over and above everyone else and she should remain faithful to him. She should leave nothing to be desired with regards to devotion and earnestness and should believe that, for her. the happiness of both worlds lies in his good pleasure. The husband, on his part, ought to consider his wife as a blessing of Allah and he should give her, ungrudgingly, his love, hold her in high esteem and look after her needs and comforts to the best of his ability. It she makes a mistake, he should over look it and try to correct her with tact and patience.Obedience and loyalty to the husbandAaisha (R.A.) says that the Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam)) said “The greatest claim on a woman is that of her husband and the greatest claim on a man is that of his mother”.In the marriage agreement it is necessary that the husband has the position of leadership. Man has been declared the head of the family in the Islamic Shari’ah and great responsibilities have been assigned to him. The Qur’an says: ‘Men are the protectors and maintainers of women’.As for the women, the commandment is that they obey the husband as the head of the household and fulfill the domestic duties. Regarding them, the Qur’an says: “The righteous women are obedient and protect (the husband’s interest) in his absence, as Allah has protected them.”If the wife fails to submit to her husband, and instead of serving him devotedly, she adopts an attitude of defiance and stubbornness, then it will be disastrous for both and they will be losers in this world and the hereafter.The Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam), therefore, stressed upon the wives to be loyal and faithful to their husbands and to seek their pleasure. (A great reward has been promised for this, in the hereafter.)It is related by Anas (R.A.) that the Prophet (sall’Allahu alahi wasalam) said: “If a woman offers five times daily prayer, keeps the fasts of Ramadhan, guards her honor and obeys her husband, then she will enter Paradise by whichever gate she pleases.”Commentary:- Here, loyalty and obedience to the husband has been mentioned along with the Salat and Fasting. It denotes that, in the Shariah, submission to the husband is as important as the principal duties of Islam.The Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam)has said: “A woman who dies in the state that her husband is pleased with her, shall go to Paradise.”It should be noted here, that, if a man is displeased with his wife, without any fault of hers, she will be innocent in the sight of Allah and the responsibility for annoyance shall rest with the husband.Advice on kind treatment to the wifeAbu Hurairah (R.A.) relates that the Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) advised: “O people. Follow my advice concerning the kind treatment of wives. (I order you to treat your wives with kindness and love). The woman has been created from the rib, and the rib is curved, by nature, and the greatest curve is in its upper part. If you try to straighten the curved rib by force, it will break, and if you leave it alone, it will remain curved forever. So follow my advice and treat your wives kindly and well.If a man dislikes his wife for some reason, he should not adopt an attitude of hatred towards her, and start thinking in terms of divorce, but he should look for the good qualities in her, and learn to admire her because of them.The Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam)) has said: “No believing man hates his believing wife. If there is a bad quality in her, there will also be a good quality.”This is the claim of Faith on a believing husband and the privilege of a believing wife.Addressing the Muslims, the Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”It is related by Aaisha (R.A.) that the Prophet (sall’Allahu alayhi wasalam) said: “Good among you are those who are good to their wives; and I, on my part, am very good to my wives.”This shows that there is a special goodness in treating one’s wife well. To make the advice more effective, the Prophet added that he himself was good and considerate to his wives.

  3. inforev says:

    So Daizy acknowledges Muslum women get beaten.Well that’s a start.And you Muslima must be so emotionally insecure that you are always propping up Muhammed’s teachings to defend them.Ideology that is Just and True “Never” has to be defended.The Jinns have mesmerized you guys to the point of being irrational.It is not hating someone when it is pointed out to them that they have been decieved and are going down the wrong path. That is at least being concerned about them as a fellow Human Being.I would point out that the Fatwah rule of entering upon the wife on the wedding night did “Not” come from “The Most High God” [external link] …That is starting off in the wrong direction for a Muslim Woman and basic human rights.Jesus loves you and “Still” wants to be your friend!………………………………..…

  4. yanshek says:

    women have no rights in islamex muslim here

  5. oxygenize says:

    Womans Rights and Islam Marriage do not fit in the same sentence.

  6. sayegh says:

    What is your question? Anyone can write anything, but what actually happens is another thing. I am sure there are some exceptions, but for the most part these women are treated very poorly. I have seen it with my own eyes.

  7. completedness says:

    i agree with u sister

  8. pussyfooted says:

    Yes.

  9. inthrone says:

    There’s no point in addressing the dudes who hates us. I know this and very much convinced, whatever your tell them, they cannot digest it. It means they have to hate us less, which hurts them.They do not know how many women rule their husbands (which I don’t agree with), they only see the ones being beaten. Ignore them sister.