Is this a good Thesis statement: for a persuasive essay.?





Tell me if you think it is good or not?Btw my controversial topic is Lowering the minutes required for a school day and I am con."Going to school does not make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car" (Bruce, Lenny). Now a day’s most young people put play before work. Many of them do not even get decent educations; drop out of school and end up doing something illegal. With a better education those types of things will not happen as much if students are at school, occupied and benefiting from the education that is offered. "School is very overwhelming" That common saying may contain some truth, but for many people school is very interesting, and is a place where they can go and enhance their learning. Despite what people say, shortening school hours would have many bad affects on parents and teachers, it will give the students less time to do something harmful like drugs and not only will their brain get less exercise, but they won’t have as much knowledge as they should.



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6 Responses to “Is this a good Thesis statement: for a persuasive essay.?”

  1. melampodium says:

    “Going to school does not make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car” (Bruce, Lenny). ——niceNow a day’s most young people put play before work. Many of them do not even get decent educations; ——-Try starting with “in present society… etc etcdrop out of school and end up doing something illegal. —— Your generalising hereWith a better education those types of things will not happen as much if students are at school, occupied and benefiting from the education that is offered. “those types of things” isnt the correct language… “School is very overwhelming” That common saying may contain some truth, but for many people school is very interesting, and is a place where they can go and enhance their learning. Despite what people say, shortening school hours would have many bad affects on parents and teachers, it will give the students less time to do something harmful like drugs and not only will their brain get less exercise, but they won’t have as much knowledge as they should.

  2. adrianne says:

    It will be as good as you make it.

  3. nonfacial says:

    You seem to have a lot of statements, hope you have a lot of real facts to support your statements. Don’t forget those who are home schooled have shorter hours then those who have traditional school. Are those who have a non traditional school hours at risk, by your statement, “give the students less (or more) time to do something harmful like drugs and not only will their brain get less exercise”Just a thoughtGood Luck

  4. archdepredator says:

    Corrections: .. “nowadays” not now a day’s.. “…decent educations; but rather drop out ….”.. “… a place where they can go to enhance …”And never ever say “most” because that may not be entirely true. It’s better to say “many”.

  5. devitalization says:

    I don’t know much about the topic, but you seem to make a lot of sweeping generalisations and assumptions without any valid evidence, statistics or basic proof. Although you are choosing to be against shortening the length of school time, your arguments appear almost childish in their presentation, and not at all valid. To make statements like, “Many of them do not even get decent educations; drop out of school and end up doing something illegal” and “it will give the students less time to do something harmful like drugs and not only will their brain get less exercise, but they won’t have as much knowledge as they should” these arguments would seem more mature and justified if you had facts or data proving this. Maybe looking at studies which have looked into the effects less school time has on students would be worth referring to because it strengthens your argument, makes you appear as if you really know and have delved deep into your statements and it will be much more difficult to disprove your claims. Your overall paragraph, although I am unsure whether you are actually using it in any of your work, seems poorly edited and you don’t seem to have put in a great amount of thought into what you have written. Now that you seem to have a basic idea of what you are interested in writing about, I would say give yourself a few days to come up with legitimate concepts and ideas, and do proper research into your argument. I know there is plenty of information you can refer to out there now, because I had to do a similar topic for an assignment last year. Also, it will show you understand what you are talking about more if you are also critical of your own argument, go beyond a simple summary. If you can’t find information on what you need to know perhaps you could mention this lack of knowledge is a shortfall, and there needs to be more awareness of this particular topic. Make sure everything you write has a logical, scientific flow. That it is purposive!

  6. antireformist says:

    Your statement is good, but it needs cleaning up, of course. Especially where it seems you accidentally use the opposite of what you intend: “Despite what people say, shortening school hours …will give the students less time to do something harmful like drugs…”Um, shortening school hours would give students MORE time to stray…Good luck.