Practice SAT essay…please need critics! TEST TOMORROW!?

An optimist finds a silver lining in everything he/she does. Whereas, a realist never expects anything else then what he/she originally intended. It is better for people to be optimistic because it gives them hope and allows them to be positive in life. Recently, I was writing an essay to gain practice for the SAT. I had put in a significant amount of work and had reviewed the essay thoroughly. I constantly assured myself that this essay was sure to get me a ten, and would help me gain my confidence. My critics, though family, were as honest as anyone could have been. They pointed out the errors, and frankly told me "This is a 4, sorry" and well, needless to say, shattered my confidence. I, surprisingly, still managed to put on a smile and work on a different topic. I had them regrade my new work, and my optimism had paid off. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, a pacifist, led India to freedom. Even though he was discriminated against, he never gave up his fight for freedom. Gandhi instigated hope in India. He had managed to scare off the Britishers without raising a finger. He followed what he thought was right, and had managed to attract the entire country on his path. His hope had carried him and his country to freedom. Optimists do not always get everything that they desire, but they always seem to get something more then what was originally planned. Their optimism seems to only grow from each task, and help spread hope around the world.

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One Response to “Practice SAT essay…please need critics! TEST TOMORROW!?”

  1. esteems says:

    Better than the essay I read yesterday, but there are still a few errors. Your rhetorical question in the first paragraph is not a great thesis. You are safer just using a statement, AND YOU MUST SAY WHAT YOUR ARGUMENT IS ABOUT. Leaving an open-ended question does not say your point of view. Still, I really like your second example. Its thorough and you wrote with great style. It also really supports your argument (but you really must say which side you chose, realistic or optimistic, in the first paragraph). Your first example is a bit weak. You really never said HOW your optimism paid off. Did you do a lot better next time? Did you get a perfect score? Make sure that you complete the example so that it really does support your argument. Although, success in your second essay is implied, its still pretty weak considering how quickly the graders will read this. And I’m glad your conclusion does not contradict your argument this time. Definitely MUCH better than yesterday. Strengths: great sentence structure and style, your second example is excellent, your conclusion is valid; Weaknesses: Your thesis should be a definite claim that you will prove in your essay, your first example seems incompleteI would give this essay a 4. Honestly, if you had a strong thesis, which isn’t that tough, it would be a 5 (that is a single grader, so it would be a 10 for your total score). Although, you use few BIG words, your vocabulary is completely fine, and adding big words wouldn’t add much to your essay, so don’t worry about that. If you can make your first example a bit more thorough and relate it directly to a thesis, you can even get a perfect 6. Great improvement.