Can someone please help me reduce and spell/grammar check this paragraph for my essay?





I have a description essay due tomorrow and I was wondering if you guys can help me reduce this paragraph and make it sound better and also see if i have any spelling or grammatical errors here.Having an undying obsession of wanting what everyone else has and not enough funds to support this disease of I want, I tried to improve my social standing by applying for a job. I went into store and store, talking to managers and managers, filling out application after application after application after application. My hands were burning, out of the abyss came a lady that has seen my pattern of applying at stores and offered me a job at a fast food restaurant opening near my house. I, of course, was ecstatic I could not contain myself. After three weeks of hard work I finally got my first pay check. I immediately went to go cash it and I hit the stores buying every clothes items I wanted for school and to go out. I went retail happy, feeding the diseases of I want more and more. I went from store, to store, to store, to store, counter after counter after counter, buying everything I have ever wanted that I could afford on my pay check. When I went home and I started to put my clothes away my mom was happy I was being able to get the items I wanted, so I kept working for my clothes and make up that I wanted. Well one day when I went to school on our dress down day wearing my new pair of jeans and pink shirt with a cute box around the waist I have noticed that almost every girl in school was wearing what I was wearing but also the items I know I owned at home. I completely became like everyone one else, like a clone of society. After school I went home and got my receipts that thankfully I saved and went to return most of the items I bought, and then went to a cheaper store to buy almost the exact same thing I bought at the more expensive store but cheaper. I ended up coming home with more items that I had brought to exchange.



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One Response to “Can someone please help me reduce and spell/grammar check this paragraph for my essay?”

  1. electronic says:

    make it hit key points, not go on. it’ll go on and on, and people will get bored easily.Is it a speech? If it is use this:Try using hand movements to emphasize what you are speaking about. If you stand up, pace the room, but keep eye contact. Change your tone of voice around too.