I Was Wondering If It’s Normal….?

I was wondering if it is normal feeling this way towards my friend who is also a girl like me. I'm known around at my school between most girls, who are my friends, as the tall girl who wants hugs all the time. I'm known as a tomboy who hates isolation without hugs. I really like the contact especially with this certain friend who is, of course, another girl. She tends to ignore me and care more about school. I try to understand, but it hurts when she does ignore me. One moment when I'm talking to her, I love when she smiles and makes jokes. It makes me feel happy and warm when that happens, but the next moment she might be talking to someone else or continuing with something else and I feel cold inside and sad, like I could sleep forever and no one would notice. I use my reputation to get hugs from her, but she probably feels like all the other people I hug. I feel jealous when she's with someone else and I love it when she's with me. I've given her 101 origami lucky stars in four boxes tied with string before school ended and wrote messages in each one. I felt happy when she knew it was me, though partially I was smiling uncontrollably in her direction. When she opened one it said I love you, but she went up to me and smiled. I could tell she ment it in a friend way and whenever I say it to her she adds on "as a friend, right?" when I say yes she says "good cause that would be awkward..." she then smiles and I love it. Although it hurts I smile too pretending. I think she is so beautiful, smart, and she smells nice like spices. One time when she was sad because she didn't want to see me cause she thinks I just want hugs she avoided me and ignored me. When I tried to ask why she was doing it she looked away. I asked again what was wrong and she slapped my hand away making it hit a school art piece that was covered in sharp rocks. My hand hit it and it started bleeding badly. She didn't notice and just walked away. I was depressed the rest of the day and got a big band aid. I cried after because i thought she hated me after many things and times of this and my other friends asked why. I didn't want to talk about it so they lended me a shoulder. I love her or I think I do. I think at home when I was depressed that even if I loved her she would hate me. She's religious and probably doesn't accept same sex relationships. I also talked, smiled, and got 'friendship contact' with her so she might think I took advantage of her thinking. I hate when she worries, is angry or sad. It makes me hate myself since mainly she only gets angry at me which is pretty obvious. She told me she loved a boy from a another school and said it was a secret. I always want to spend time with her, but she is busy with her whole weekends. Piano, singing, martial arts, car pooling, homework, essay assignments from her dad and much more making her free only on Saturday which she says is her free day to just sleep in. What I want to ask is your opinions if I should love her or will it never happen? Am I really in love with her? I can take criticism, but not trash talk. I think I might be stupid to fall in love with a wonderful girl like her who already loves a boy. Please help if you can and thank you in advance for actually taking your time! Also if you want more info of this situation to understand it better you can ask. Sorry if I'm being stupid.

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2 Responses to “I Was Wondering If It’s Normal….?”

  1. mwojcik says:

    I thibk its normal. Maybe you hve bi tendencies. It’s only natural at your age. Its kinda cute. If she is more interested in school, try not to interfere with it too much. See if you can hang out on a weekend and get to know each other more without the school backdrop

  2. Piroplasma says:

    You’re not stupid but you are clingy. I will be straight up honest but she is annoyed with you and is thinking you are a lesbian. That’s why you have to give her space. Besides, the girl seems like a huge jerk (no offense). She just practically left you bleeding–literally! There’s more people out there who is way nicer than her. (: Good luck!