Essay help?





i just finished my rhetorical precisbut it still doesn't seem to have that 'wow' factor to itif anyone had any suggrestions that would be greatIn today’s bizarre world of nose jobs and breast augmentation’s, Dave Barry sheds some light on the beauty industry and the monster it created in his editorial, Ugly Truth about Beauty ('Philadelphia Inquirer Magazine' 1998) . He discusses the strange hygiene habits of both male and females, laments over the psychological drawbacks that Barbie dolls have created in women. Using his satirical sense of humor to inform and entertain his readers Barry, takes and in depth look at the growing self image problems of women.Even though it seems to be written with varied audience ages in mind it is mostly targeted towards middle aged women and a small amount of middle aged men.thanks



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2 Responses to “Essay help?”

  1. endocrinologist says:

    Hm, how about stating what Dave Barry thinks is “the monster” and his purpose in doing so?

  2. citied says:

    What you have to say is actually concise and to the point. This isn’t bad. The only change I can suggest would be here.”Even though it seems to be written with varied audience ages in mind it is mostly targeted toward middle aged women and a small amount of middle aged men.”This seems to be your thesis unless I am way off the mark.A few changes in wording are all that are needed to make this a stronger statement. First off this kind of flows wierd but its ok as it is, I just had to reread it some in order to get the idea which is generally not a good thing, but I still understand what you are saying.What really could use with being cut is saying “…it is mostly targeted…” simply remove the word mostly and say “…it is targeted…” This is a much bolder and more forward statement. It challenges the reader to disagree with you. From here you should use your written work to back up your statement by using example and such.The mostly or I think trap is easy to fall into. Any time you see yourself using the word “mostly” or “I think” or “in my opinion” or any other similar statement step back and read the sentence with and without that statement and see which sounds better to you. Not only by saying “mostly” are you weakening your statement “mostly” is another way of saying “I could be wrong” which is not what you are trying to argue.