Review my NROTC Essay?

Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Naval Officer.I want to become a Naval Officer because I want to help others. All my life I had to work hard for what I wanted, I acknowledge others around me and I’ve come to realize people think things will be handed to them. However not me I've always worked hard for the things I wanted. I want to become a Naval Officer not because I know what failure feels like, not because I’ve experienced hard times in life, its because I want to be a leader and show others . The truth is without this scholarship I may never get to experience going to a University or to college at all. I’ve had many life changing experiences for instance, in fourth grade I was retained because of the TAKS test, however I actually passed, it may have been by one point however I passed and yet the teachers thought it would be best if I stayed behind. Ever since then I always felt like I had to be ahead of everyone, and that feeling along makes me even more determined to work harder for what I want out of life. I honestly think students don’t know how important education is until they are put into a situation in which they can’t control. I0ve had people try their hardest to bring me down by saying things like "you’re going to be another statistic" and "you’re going to depend on others for the rest of your life’’. When those words were said I felt like I wasn’t going to go to college or be successful in life. However those exact words helped me want to prove others wrong, even though I was brought down I didn’t let it take away my pride and joy. I had many moments in my life when I thought I wasn’t going to make it and somehow God always found a way for a breakthrough. If I hadn’t experienced the hard times I wouldn’t appreciate the good times. Swimming makes me forget about all the problems that I may have in life. As soon as I dive into the water my whole mind becomes clear of everything and my only thought is how peaceful the water makes me feel. Swimming helps me stay fit and it also keeps me motivated, for instance while swimming I time myself so I can compare how much of an increase I made from my pervious times. Swimming is like my world a world in which no one can take away, it0s a world that will last forever.

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One Response to “Review my NROTC Essay?”

  1. abcdefe says:

    Hey,First off, great choice to become a Naval Officer. Your essay shows you are motivated. However it does not clearly outline your VALUE to the Navy. Here’s what I would suggest. Scrap the one you wrote, and write one with the aid of someone like your H.S. English teacher. As a current Naval Officer I can tell you what should be in your essay at a minimum:-Outline your LEADERSHIP characteristics. As an officer… this is your #1 asset to the Navy. How have you lead people? Were you ever a mentor to a large group of people? Etc…-Highlight your academic achievements. -Highlight your sports achievements.-Explain how you can be a TEAM player. As an officer you will not only have to lead a team, but you need to be a personable leader who can personally motivate others by your character.Those things are a good start. In summary… DO NOT ask the Navy for favors. SHOW the Navy how you will be an asset to them!Best of luck in your future. Hope to see you in the fleet!